In The Wind

Some moments stay in your mind forever. This morning I awoke to the sound of Bob Dylan singing. That sound is a bittersweet one for me. Every time I hear his songs, I am filled with sweet memories of my father, Bob. When I was a little girl, my dad played Dylan's music loudly on his record player. I feel like he's around when I hear the songs. It wasn't until I was about age 21 that I began frequently listening to Dylan on my own. I went through all dad's old vinyl, cassettes and cds in search of more of Dylan's words of wisdom and prophetic story telling, as my dad called it. Growing up, I loved listening to music with my dad, even though I didn't yet understand the depth of the lyrics, I just liked spending that time with him and now, since he left me all of his music, I can feel him with me each time I hear it. On the day of his death, I walked into the room and sang to him "How many roads must a man walk down, before you call him a man, and how many seas must the white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand... The answer is blowing in the wind." My dad had stopped breathing and was resuscitated the night before by my mom, who is a nurse, and he had severe brain damage, so he couldn't respond or talk or look at me as I sang, but I knew he heard and somehow felt me there because the monitors of his vital signs went up, the heart monitor showed stronger, faster activity. Over and over I replay that day in my mind, and watching someone you love take their last breaths never leaves you. I did it twice. I saw his mother die a few years before him. Being in the room for that... well, I guess there's just no explaining it. Forever is a big word, a word that now holds more meaning for me since that last physical day with my father.