Off The Shelf

The other day, Harmony pulled "The Alchemist" (one of my favorite books) off the shelf, which I usually read about once a year for the past 6 years or so. I figured this meant it was time to read it again, as the book blatantly reminds its' readers to "follow the omens" to notice signs along our paths leading us in certain directions, to "follow your heart". The last time I read it, last year, I lived at my mom's house and started drinking my mint tea out of her crystal tea-cups as the book says tea is always more delicious when served in crystal, because the aroma is retained, and it was. The vessels which hold our beverages can change the flavor, temperature, bubbles, like how wine glasses have certain shapes for certain types. The vessels which carry our souls throughout our lives, our bodies, also change and may suffer drastically from birth to death, yet they contain our "selves" none-the-less until our last breath. Then what? Where do our "selves" go when the flesh dissipates? I don't claim to know for certain. What I do know is that 'I am here now'- yet like the boy in The Alchemist, I sometimes envy the wind, which is free to be and go where it pleases with no limits. Once we settle into our lives, we may retain responsibilities and routines, places we must be and schedules to abide by... which we partly have chosen for ourselves and partly have bestowed upon us by society, often making us feel obligated or not free. For instance, Harmony will one day be expected to attend school and, unless I home-school her, I must provide for her to do so. Tonight I told my husband that in a few years, I want us to take her on the road as we live in a trailer and travel with her playing music... he replied "will you home-school her?" I of course, being a free-spirited, non-planner who likes to float through life dabbling in various, random artistic endeavors, did not think of that aspect of traveling with my child:) I now recall a friend of mine from Florida whose parents traveled cross country for a year or more, in an RV with him as a toddler just for the sake of doing what they wanted (hippies?). This is extremely appealing to me, while probably appalling to many other parents. I don't yet feel like a typical "parent" who has settled down to stay put in a "stable" and "permanent" lifestyle or place. I want to make our lives a continuous adventure, and if hubs isn't up for the ride well... we have often discussed this and he has openly said "you are free to be and do whatever you want T". He wants me to be free as I want to be, yet I want him to be free with me, sailing around as we please with our love as our only anchor. He's always reminding "it's your life, your choices, I'm not holding you hostage." To which I reply "well yes, I know, but in love, I made the choice to start a family with you, which also has its' responsibilities." I have a myriad of theories on Love; what it is, how to make it last; what it truly means; the varying types of love that exist... etc. I believe that Love is a choice, some people actually choose not to love their own kids, to abuse or neglect them; some couples choose to never marry but commit to a partnership with no legal documents involved, some decide they are done loving and get divorced. We choose whom to love, when to love, how to love. We may let society, the media, advertisements tell us what to love, what's good, what's hip, what will make us more "lovable" to others... this dress, that car, this plastic surgery. I believe that we are all on an ultimate search for Love, for good, for something to fill our hearts/souls/bodies with to make us feel good and whole, and when we don't get it, or it isn't reciprocated, or we can't find it, we often hurt others, envy others, despise others, or become cynical, depressed, bitter, addicted to things or behaviors to fill the void of no Love. I believe that a lack of depth of Love in our lives can leave us feeling empty and hopeless, sad, and even suicidal for some. We all desperately desire to be loved and have an in-born ability and desire to give love in order to feel complete. In various cultures and times, people made rules, laws and guidelines about how many and which people you can love in certain ways, like polygamy and monogamy, heterosexuality and homosexuality. The love we have for our country, kids, pets, friends and spouses are all varied mixtures of different emotions, with particular actions associated with them. To me, Love is an all-encompassing, ever-changing, emotional roller-coaster which can cause highs and lows and has inspired songs, poems, books, art, movies, and entire industries like greeting cards and dating websites. It makes us who we are, it makes us do crazy things, and it can drive us crazy. The chemical/hormonal functions (Dopamine, Vasopressin, Oxytocin, Seratonin) in our bodies which trigger these emotions and feelings of admiration, respect, desire, lust, insanity, addiction, commitment, obsession, joy, and pain all associated with what we call Love or the lack of it, are studied and researched continuously and still seem a mystery to so many of us. What is Love? It is becoming part of something else, someone else. And in The Alchemist it says this: "he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke- the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their own heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. Something that exerted the same force whenever two pairs of eyes met, as theirs had here at the well."

With no words, we recognize Love... To 'Follow your heart' you must make a choice.